OkCupid Greg

We met on OkCupid.  89% Match.  3% Enemy.  I went through all of your answered questions with a fine tooth comb.  Where’s the 3% coming from?  All our answers matched the other.  We chatted briefly before exchanging numbers.  I start to text you then realize I already have. 

Shit. 

How could this be?  We only just met.  Kind of..  I quickly read through our previous text messages scanning for clues.  Have we actually met?  Did we fuck?  Do I even like you?   Oh god.  I hesitantly ask where we talked before.

Tinder. 

Fuck.

We didn’t though.  Yet.

You invited me to dinner…  8:00PM.  Sisters.  Brooklyn.  I have to leave the city.  I’m already annoyed with this.  At 7:30PM you text me to ask if we can meet on Wednesday, because…  well, because.  

Bye, Felecia. 

I leave things there.  Let it simmer for a bit.  Let you hang.  Think about what you did.  We don’t text for a few days.  You ask if I’m over it.  I say, “I’m over this back and forth sun and snow bullshit.”  You hurriedly ask me to drinks.  That night.  Now.  You want me badly.  

I oblige. Making the trek out to Brooklyn.  That mysterious land of hipsters, flourless-gluten free-vegan bakeries, and Anne Hathaway.  I meet you outside the restaurant.  You’re more handsome than I expected.  Lucky me?      

We grab a table in the back.  I think to myself, “Nice choice of restaurant,” only I find out later it was just a matter of extreme convenience on your part.  Your apartment was literally upstairs.  You order a Jack and Coke.  I order an IPA. We settle into each other for just a moment.      

Ex-boyfriends.  Ex-fiances.  Dogs.  Camping.  San Francisco.  Art.  Mexico.  HIV.  The Wizard of Oz.  Shoes.  Work.  Photography.  Sales.  Work.  Food.  Just a few of the things that punctuated our conversation.  You kept looking at your phone, which I, of course, thought was rude.  I grabbed it and saw that you were texting ‘Greg OkC.’ 

I understand being single and wanting to explore your options.  I do.  However to be on a date with me and texting Greg OkC is not something I will tolerate.

Check please. 

aaron williams